Thursday, April 15, 2010

Did the HCG Diet Destroy Joe Vitale's Brain?

It's been a while, and unfortunately I don't have much exciting news to report as a result of my extended absence. It's just that this is not even a hobby blog, so when life, hobbies, or even a party comes along, making fun of fireboy's self-indulgent rantings in pursuit of the almighty dollar takes a distant last in my priority list.

But these recent developments are rather egregious, so I'm thrust back into Snarkville whether or not I like it or not. Thanks a million, Joe. No, really. You think I LIKE having to point out your stupidity? Not at all. I'd rather ignore you. I'd keep my lunch down a lot easier if I did.

And since I actually know how to modulate my meals, my lunch for the last month has been more than a little lettuce leaf like you and fathead O'Bryan's meals. Are you back to the Caligula-styled feasts with your boytoys now that HCG is done - again?

How about this wondrous promise of the super-secret drug delivery mechanism HCG diet that Fireboy, his girlfriend, and Pat O'Bryan have been on? Lovely, this diet. It's based on a program that Kevin Trudeau wrote about in his "they" series of tomes. The secret HCG diet purportedly promises to reset your metabolism and your "set point weight" so that you never gain the weight back.

At least that's what Joe Vitale said when he started the HCG diet in early 2009. He would never have to diet again! Good thing he was able to do the diet AGAIN this year. You know, especially since he said in 2009 that he would never have to do it again.


My bet is that the super-secret delivery mechanism is thus...

1. stick some sublingual HCG tablets in your super-secret Siberian Hoshun wish dolly.
2. Close up hoshun and give thanks that he doesn't have any eyes.
3. Say the magic word. (sshhhh, it's a super secret word)
4. Shove the unwitting hoshun wish dolly up your fat ass.

Voila! Not only have you conned unwitting hype-no-tized followers into buying your wish doll JPG printout, you're going to eradicate the evidence of your self-indulgent excesses from your hips, thighs, and ever-expanding ASS!

Like I said, BRILLIANT!

I think that the HCG diet has destroyed Joe Vitale's brain... last year after he did it, this is when he started his completely insane rampage of illustrious internet marketing. And this year... well, let's see.

Mr. Fire is seeking free labor in the form of interns so that he can document his efforts to end homelessness for a supposed "CNN reality show." Good job, Joe! Keep the free labor coming in... nevermind that actually PAYING someone for work done would contribute to the success that Joe Vitale so often spouts off about wanting for people.

I'm sure he wants others to be successful.

But never at his expense... he expects others to give to him for free. Of course, they get the grand payment of being in his HCG-whittled presence. I suppose that's payment enough.

Oh, but according to his latest blog post, you should DEMAND money.

Just not from him. No, he should get a free pass and free labor.

And for those of you who have purchased any of "his work," his lack of investment in a quality project is apparent.

When was the last time Joe Vitale had a quality product? Maybe when he took all of Dr. Hew Len's information, repackaged it, and tried to shine the light of spirituality on him. Now that Hew Len has taken his road-show elsewhere leaving Zero Limits behind, Vitale is stuck trying to justify how he's going to end homelessness in one day.

If you haven't done it by now, Joey, you aren't going to. You're just a Kevin Trudeau wannabe... you'll have to invent a "they" for people to run away from in order to have some faux credibility.

Later, I'll address the issue of Fireboy's latest illogical blog post in which he states he's found the scientific proof that the Law of Attraction is actually a scientifically verifiable fact. Oh, but wait, he's not really saying that. Didn't you read his blog post? Are you learning impaired? You're not supposed to actually read the HEADLINE, you're supposed to dig through the excrement of his writing for the REAL meaning. He quotes from a book written by an actual SCIENTIST (ooh) who also writes science fiction. (Guess which genre this book falls into?)

Then Fireboy says:
Also according to Taylor, the Law of Attraction is not a law. He declares that the “law” is more an adage; a philosophical or psychological maxim. He doesn’t dismiss it; he simply says it’s not a law by strict scientific proof. There’s no empirical evidence for it.
Wait, what was that headline again, fireboy?
Scientific Evidence for The Secret’s Law of Attraction
Hmm. That oughta get your critical thinking faculties started. He's contradictory and illogical and trying to confuse you... so he can hype-no-tize you.

And Joe, remember, just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true. The emperor still isn't wearing any clothes... and the HCG diet hasn't made that vision any more appealing.